Tuesday, December 29, 2009

32 Weeks

I think Bean looks fully cooked, don't you? I'm sure that someone miscalculated and I'm actually going to have this kid any day now. This has to be because I'm certain that he weighs at least 15 pounds!

I saw my doctor yesterday and everything is good - weight, blood pressure, belly growth, baby's heartbeat all good. The only small concern that I had was related to the fact that I have had TERRIBLE pelvic pain for the last week. Yes, the last WEEK! When I'm sitting or laying down it's not so bad, but if I'm standing or walking it's pretty terrible. Sometimes it feels like Bean has a steel spike in there which he is playfully forcing into my bones. Other times it just feels like there's about 15 pounds of pressure in there forcing the bones apart. Either way, it's not a good feeling at all.

I was thinking that it might have to do with the baby's position and if he would just shift then everything would be alright again. Well, I was close, but I didn't quite get the answer I was looking for. Yes the pain will go away... just as soon as the baby is here! Which is supposed to be 8 weeks from now!!!

Apparently, the problem is this, your pelvis is actually two bones held together by some ligaments or tendons or something stretchy. When the baby becomes heavy and begins pressing down on your pelvis it can cause pain. It affects women to varying degrees. Apparently some people are just lucky and get to be in excruciating pain. The cure? Having the baby. The only way to get true relief is to lay down to take the pressure off your pelvis. Super.

So of course for the last week there's been lots of whining about my pelvic pain. And I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get through the next 8 weeks!

In other news, I FINALLY was able to give Mark his Christmas gift! His very own Wii! I'm not sure who was more excited me to give or Mark to get. I told him I was NOT spending $200 on a game, but when I heard that Wal-mart had them for $150 I just couldn't pass it up. 25% off? I think so!

So I made not one, but TWO trips to two different locations and multiple calls to track down a location with a Wii. I think they were hoarding them because they could always tell me that they'd have X number in at 8am the next day, but I couldn't go at 8am I could only go later in the day!

After 1 trip on a SATURDAY (it was terrifying, see below for the whole story*) and 3 days of calling around I finally remembered that there is a Wal-mart right down the street from my office. HELLO! So I called they had them in stock, I ran out on my lunch hour (which I hate doing!) and was able to secure a Wii for $150 and even sprung for Mario Kart with the wheel. Now, I still feel that all the games and accessories are a rip off because they rope you in to ongoing spending once you buy the system, BUT I do feel pretty good about the deal I got on the actual system. I guess it balances out.

This is what pure Christmas joy looks like:

Please note Christmas Vacation playing in the background. I think we watched this like 5 times on Christmas day. I love that movie! Some of the best quotes are as follows:

Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark?
Clark: Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.

I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery.

Clark: Where is Eddie? He usually eats these goddam things.
Cousin Catherine: Not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.

Merry Christmas. Shitter was full.

And my favorite: She falls down a well, her eyes go cross. She gets kicked by a mule. They go back. I don't know.

*My Wal-mart story OR Why Everyone Including Little Baby Jesus Hates Wal-mart:

I fight hellish traffic and pedestrians everywhere to get a spot that's about 3/4 of the parking lot out from the store. I shop. I try not to kill people who in the middle of all the crowdedness just STOP in the middle of an aisle with their carts like they've never shopped in a crowded store before.

I then head back to the Electronics departement only to find out that they had "just" sold out of their Wiis, but will have 10 more in at 8am tomorrow. Perfect.

I finish my grocery shopping and then wait in line for 15 minutes at the express lane where there are people PACKED in around me everywhere. I of course start getting all anxious, and heart poundy, and hot and sweaty. I then had to step out of line to find a bottle of water I could drink while waiting so I didn't pass out.

I finally get to check out and head all the way back out to my car. I load up my groceries, return my car to the corral, and get into my car. As soon as I turn my key in the ignition some idiot starts honking at me because they want my spot. Give me an effin' minute!

I put my car in reverse and look all around - there are people and SUVs and stray children everywhere - as soon as I take my foot off the break some superidiot guy starts screaming and cussing at me to stop. He then starts yelling at me that I was trying to hit him with my car. Where did he come from? Oh yeah, he's the guy parked next to me and even though he must have CLEARLY SEEN that I was trying to back out because someone was waiting for my spot, he didn't want to wait to get into his car so he walked RIGHT behind my reversing car and tried to squeeze into his car at the same time I'm backing out of the spot right next to him.


So, I hit the break again to let him get into his car, he opens his door THEN he stops before getting in and starts yelling at me to "f*cking back out now since I already tried to kill him". Drama much?! I don't know where he learned the rules, but where I'm from, if a car is reversing you wait to get into your car for 30 effing seconds soyoudon'tgetrunover! GAH!

Running over an impatient and rude person averted, I finally back out of my parking spot and off course end up with the poophead behind me where we both get stuck behind a GINORMOUS 70's Caddillac captained by an old lady. She's waiting for a spot and blocking the ENTIRE aisle. She's of course waiting for a spot where they had to load like 6 kids into a van, load up the van, and then ANOTHER person came out of WM to load their purchases into the van also before they finally backed out. Old lady totally waited like 8 minutes while a line of cars formed behind her AND it wasn't even a good spot! And of course, poophead behind me sat there and kept laying on his horn. I guess he was still traumatized from his near death experience. ::eyeroll::

In summary, I didn't get what I originally went there for - BIG surprise! I think I'm emotionally traumatized from my experiences there and therefore, I feel that Little Baby Jesus would also hate Wal-mart because the idiots there suck the Christmas sprit right outta December..

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